entirely unmotivated

i have been on the job search as of late. it is however only a search, which often means a serious load of down time waiting to hear back from potential jobs. i'm not umotivated to have a job, trust me, it totally sucks not having a job when you are looking for a job. i have so little to do, i just get bored. the things im unmotivated to do are the very things that i could be spending much of this extra time in my lap doing: reading, writing, playing music, learning to speak a dead language, etc. pretty much all of things that i wont have any time to do once i do have job. trying to find work is lame. im trying to be a bit selective and not just jump at any ol' job that comes my way. i really want to get some kind of experience in the educational field. the problem is i dont really have any experience in the ecducational field, so my hirability isn't exactly at the top of anyone's list. i have been avoiding writing on the blog for so long. no real good reason for that avoidance except a void of desire. there has been a lot happening in the last few weeks but i just haven't felt any urge to write about it....wait for it, nope, still dont. maybe if i get a little fire in my belly i can post something about the trip down to so-cal i made with merle and our four day layover on the way back up. please pray that i will have favor in finding a good job.

lyss

should i come looking for you???

twinkle

there have been rumors of me and merle making a hitchhiking venture from portland down to los angeles. well some might call them rumors, others might call them proud boasts by myself and merle neglecting the reactions and warnings of nearly every female that heard of our plans. the other night i was driving with merlin and i told him how both my grandma and my mom had offered to buy our plane tickets if we would ditch our hitchhiking plans. in a witty vaunting tone i carried on, "it's not even about not wanting to buy tickets, i mean seriously, i have 2 free one way tickets with southwest if we wanted to fly." about 5 hours later, after a few rounds and a tree climb it had been decided that we should fly. i know, it's weak, and i feel defeated every time i mention it. but i know about a dozen people that are absolutely thrilled to hear the new plans.

last night i walked for the multnomah graduation. i actually finished last summer, and then officially graduated in december, but i wanted to walk in the ceremony with all of those i started my educational pursuits with and so many people i love dearly.

what now??? damned fine question! im glad you asked...that's a lie, don't ask me that.

im pretty sure that i want to be a teacher. i know it's broad. what subject? what age? where at? luckily a few of those questions were conveniently answered in a mad libs given to me by alyssa for some graduation ceremony entertainment. apparently i will be a science teacher in des moines ten years from now. i know i know, it's borderline absurd (much like some other things found within the mad libs, like the supposedly performed activities i did while at multnomah: sleeping on the couch in the library and sniffing [HA!]). but seriously im trying to figure this whole thing out, and i know i will before long.

okay, let's wrap this puppy up. i need a job! i have an official lady friend (for those who are just dying to know aka rachell), yes i called her my lady friend (girlfriend is way overused and hardly carries significance anymore). ethel, thanks for your comment and encouragement, and both my sister and i are now wondering how to connect with you (she got a message a while back , but didn't have a number to call back on), and to end, why not another funny quote from earlier today. either my dad or darla said something about a relationship needing the couple to make one another "twinkle." justin (jp that is) in pure cynical fashion, then produced a brilliantly hilarious scenario about him finding a girl that will make him "twinkle."
-justin to a girl upon his first "twinkle" experience: "you make me twinkle"
-the girl's likely response: "okay...you go clean yourself up, and im gonna leave"
-me: "HAHAHAHAHA!"

i just managed

to spend a solid 4+ hours playing super mario bros. 3 with lefty. we pretty much had beaten the entire game, but a few levels from mthe end we just gave up. really i bring this up because of a few verily hilarious quotes:

"it's better with luigi because it matches his hat."
-lefty in reference to using the goomba boot (it's green)

"you have a sweatiness problem in general."
-lefty in response to me complaining about having a sweaty hands problem

that's all really, i think maybe i should just start emailing rachel these blogs, because i'm pretty sure she is the only person that is reading this still :)

i suck...

with keeping up. bottom line, i always have. it's unfortunate especially when people take it entirely personally as though i don't like them. this really has nothing to do with, well anything, i just said that i was going to try and keep writing on here once a week (yeah i know that was two weeks ago when i wrote that) so i just signed on and started typing. honestly, i would be suprised if anyone even reads this, but nonetheless i am here, i am writing.

last week i pretty much settled back in to portland. i got to see a number of people i love dearly: justin, cara, sahara, little eduardo, joey, erika, chloe, eli, gwynie (she cried the instant i said hi to her), merlin, st. petersburg (i love this man), clouser, lyss, ted, lefty, blake, scoobs, well you get the point. i went to last thursday a few weeks ago, and first thursday last week, and saturday i went to a cinco de mayo party and pretty much had the homemade salsa title stolen from my grasp. the greatest thing about the cinco de mayo party was...that i went with alyssa, but the second most amazing thing was this guy reid elliott harrison. he was an instant riot. quote of the night, "those clever mexicans." i think i'll leave it at that. i also went rock climbing with lefty and merle for the first time in ages, good times. by the way, when i say lefty, it means caleb hargrove (some of you may not know that his real name is lefty) and when i say merle, it means "merle."

sunday i came to redmond, where i currently am typing from. i'm not entirely excited to be here (don't ask why, i'm just not), but it is really great to see more family and some of the old crew. hopefully i will have enough time to make the necessary rounds.

i'm going to stop wasting your time and mine. the end.

staying connected

i have been here in kansas city for a week now, and i haven't exactly had much for internet connection. nevertheless i wanted to make sure and continue posting here on blogger and let you all know that just because i am back in the states doesn't mean that i am not going to blog anymore. i have found a lot of pleasure in keeping this blog, and hopefully i will be able to continue posting something maybe once a week or so.

ihop has been refreshing. i have missed so much the communion of saints and the musical worship of our Lord. christians are made for community, the whole beginnings of the church was that very thing, a community of people who confessed Jesus Christ as Lord, who regularly met to commit their time to prayer, fellowship, teaching and learning, and of course eating (the Lord's supper or communion). needless to say this week is changing my heart, giving me hope, giving me reason and encouragement. God is faithful.

i litrally just red this quote a few minutes ago, but i love it already. it is from phantastes by george macdonald. he is the literary father and inspiration to fantasy authors like cs lewis and tolkien.

"shadow of me!" i said, "which art not me, but which representest thyself to me as me; here i may find a shadow of light which will devour thee, the shadow of darkness! here i may find a blessing which will fall on thee as a curse, and damn thee to the blackness from whence thou hast emerged unbidden."

im still learning. who isn't? but i believe in my God, and i know He is faithful.

He who calls you is faithful, He will surely do it. I Thessalonians

vuelvo ahora

i´m coming back now.

actually i will be finishing packing my bags, hopefully getting a little sleep, and then i will be coming. i leave in about 12 hours, whoa! too soon. tonight i got to go to the church out in torrejon tonight to say good bye to my friends out there. i really love those guys, and i wish that i had spent more time with them while i was in madrid. the guy that spoke tonight is just an awesome man, and though i didn´t catch everything, i understood enough. he was speaking on abraham and when he was told to sacrifice isaac. the bit of gold i grabbed from the message was that the cost of following God is everything. it´s everything. abraham was told to take his son, his ONLY son, and sacrifice him. the speaker went on to say that when you understand the ways of God, the cost of everything, is nothing. with God to lose, is to gain. to give, is to receive. to serve, is to be served. profound, yet simple.

afterward i met with david and some friends to say goodbye. im not incredibly good at good byes, and my lack of ability to speak spanish very clearly doesn´t help; nonetheless, i have met some really incredible people here, and i am going to miss them all.

i really cant ask enough for your prayers. i am still learning, still hurting, still stumbling along, still searching. in just one moment i have realize how far i have yet to go. i am looking foward to this coming week at ihop. it´s exactly what i want to do right now. please pray for me! i am weak, poor, and lost.

when i get in tomorrow night i will have cell phone service, so feel free to call if you want. and please dont be offended if i dont answer or return you calls for a day or two as i recover from the jet lag.

...to hurt, is to heal. to be last, is to be first. to die, is to live...